15 ways to become disgustingly fat, unfit, unhealthy and a physical mess

 15 ways to become disgustingly fat, unfit, unhealthy and a physical mess 

“We are a product of our habits, and all of mine are bad!”- K.M. 

I spend way too much time telling people what they should eat, what they should do in the weight room, or on the track, and too much time telling people how they should take care of their body. Don’t get me wrong, I love doing it…after all, it’s what I do. I get flooded with those questions daily from everyone…family members, friends, and even total strangers.

Some of these people get it, and actually do what I tell them. They see results, feel better and look great. Most however, ignore the advice and go back to their old ways.

Sometimes I think it may be easier to tell people what not to do and maybe that will get the message across a little better.

So, in response to that thought, I have decided to write 15 things that you should do if you want to get really fat, really unfit, unhealthy and just a physical mess in life. I could probably write 50 or more easily after observing the general public, or walking through a Wal-Mart.

By the way, if you do some of these things and this list offends you, I am not sorry. Read it and weep, or you can get up, get your ass in gear and change your habits.

  1. Eat two meals or less a day, and make sure you skip breakfast totally. If you MUST eat breakfast for whatever reason, make sure you eat a lot of high sugar  and high fat foods, such as sticky buns, French Toast, and Pancakes with syrup.
  2. Make sure those two meals are full of mostly sugar, and processed ingredients. If you need some help with this, eat lots of high sugary carbs that are found in packages.
  3. Try your best to move as little as possible all day long. If you work at a desk job, stay there as much as possible. Get rides to and from your destination and make sure you park or are dropped off as close to the entrance as you can.
  4. Binge very late at night on fatty foods that contain high amounts of saturated fat, sugar, and white flour. Make sure you over eat, even when full. Go to bed immediately when finished.
  5. Drink a lot of alcohol each night. Beer, mixed drinks, whatever, just make sure it’s more than you need. Don’t ever just have a “few”…drink to excess. Always follow your alcoholic binging with the suggestions from number 4, above.
  6. Never stretch, lift any weights, or do anything that will get your heart rate up. No running, walking more than necessary, and no working out at all. EVER.
  7. When parts of your body hurt, ignore the pain, work through it, and do nothing to correct it. Don’t find out what is wrong; just keep doing whatever it is you have been doing.
  8. Watch a lot of TV. Spend all of your spare time watching TV or surfing the net. ALWAYS have some kind of fatty, high calorie snack with you while you are watching or surfing. Some great choices are; cookies, M & M’s, chips, wings, and ice cream.
  9. Don’t drink water on purpose. Make sure all of your drinks, other than the alcohol, are things with sugar in them. Sodas are your best choice here. If you don’t have soda, things like Kool Aid, Lemon Aid, and whole milk are great alternatives. Oh, and make sure you drink at least 64 ounces in one sitting.
  10. Eliminate ALL vegetables, and fruits from your diet. If you must eat fruit, make sure it comes in a can and is packed in syrup. If you must eat fresh fruit, make sure to dip it in chocolate, honey or some other kind of high sugar, high fat food. If you are forced to eat veggies, spread a ton of butter or cheese over them.
  11. Smoke everyday, and smoke a lot. Fill your lungs with thick smoke as much as possible. If you can do this WHILE you are drinking alcohol, even better.
  12. Stay up very late eating, and watching TV and wake up early each morning. Make sure you are always tired and never get any good sleep.
  13. Eliminate all fiber out of your diet. If you eat mostly fatty processed foods, you should be good here.
  14. Never wash your hands throughout the day. This goes for after you go to the bathroom too.
  15. No vitamin or mineral supplements whatsoever. Don’t supplement your already crappy diet with anything that might help your health.

Some of you might be reading this and admit to yourself that you do some of these things. Others might realize that you do most of these things. Regardless, none of these things are going to get you where you want to go if your goals have anything to do with health, or fitness. Eating to excess or going out for a night of drinking once in a while is not going to kill you and may not even hinder your long term progress. Its the people that make any of the above habits that need to watch out and get themselves right.

3 Responses to 15 ways to become disgustingly fat, unfit, unhealthy and a physical mess

  1. […] A hilarious post by a frustrated athletic trainer… but behind all the hilarity there is biting truth. 15 ways to become disgustingly fat, unfit, unhealthy and a physical mess « Keith Scott MS, ATC, CSCS […]

  2. Leo says:

    Damn you tivo!!!! I knew you would be the death of me!

  3. Rita Parlett says:

    I personally have lived through quite a few of the 15 ways to become disgustingly fat, unfit, unhealthy and a physical mess, some were more fun than others, none the less its never to late to change things around and do something good for your body.
    Thanks for all your help, advice and support. Keep up the good work.

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